Preparing a gift for someone else's imaginary friend is something of an experience. Suddenly I'm not the only one in this situation. But I take his as seriously as I would one of my own. She's a sweet girl. In a pretty silly way, I find myself jealous. There's one such entity wandering around which isn't mine ;)

Hopefully they'll have a good time.

This is the world.

If you intend to live, this is where you'll do it. No matter how much you try to delude yourself, there will be nowhere else for you.

You will be under the influence of those who claim to love you for the first fourth of your life. They may be telling the truth. They may be trying to convince themselves of a lie. Either way, they will play a very large part in determining who you are. It isn't your decision to make. You will leave them and be told to manage for yourself after 18-20 years of dependence. It's almost impossible to prepare for this moment. But it will come.

You will be educated about what are considered to be the most important things in the world. They won't seem important to you. You will be more worried about your body tells you to worry about at the time- procreation. However, while this desire is the strongest, you will be told not to. Some will tell you to deny such instincts completely and wait until you have found the perfect mate, adding unnecessary restrictions to a natural process. The perfect mate will never come. If you break the mold and procreate while the desire is the strongest, it will bring you misery.

The people educating you will not be likely to care about your education. They are performing the task so they will be given money. It will soon dawn on you that the things your education taught you were taught to you so you, too, can make money. You will be raised to value money above most things, if not everything. Money will come to rule your life sooner than later.

People will pollute your life. They will never be able to understand you quite as perfectly as you understand yourself. Most won't try. They will decide that you are uninteresting and unimportant. After all, there are 5 billion other people just like you. The people you believe you can trust will think bad things about you, no matter how much they respect and appreciate you. They will always find your flaws. You definitely will have flaws.

Through it all, the things that truly give you comfort- the people and objects that you can really rely on- will eventually disappear, fade away, betray you, or die. You will be able to keep nothing, save perhaps worthless mementos which only serve to remind you of your misery.

Give up.
Join me.

-Malinda

Dara:
I'm going to explode. I don't know. I'm unsure. What the hell's going on
I mean, I know what's going on, but what's underneath it all? There's some kind of thing under it all, and I don't think I'll ever see it.
It seems like bad things happen to good people but I'm not sure if that's just an illusion brought on the fact that good people have a more developed sense of what a bad thing might be. Is a good person just a person who complains a lot? Maybe the things a good person thinks is bad are just... things. I know that's not a new idea, stop judging ideas based on how new they are, damnit. My brain won't stop doubting me. It'd be nice to just make my brain shut UP for once.

...life is like a swarm of bees, or something...

I'm not even sure what I look like right now. Is that a fundamental thing? The first thing an infant learns can't be what it looks like, I don't know what it could be. Maybe it depends on the infant. There's no appearance that seems to connect with me. I don't have a body. Sometimes it seems like I'll just fade out existance once seem teenager gets his head together. Once my head's together, I'll be gone. I exist to be scattered. What a life.

just one more adventure in the world i guess

Josh went clothes shopping the other day. No more identical black polo shirts with gray pants for him! Now he can finally look like a clone, along with the rest of us. Woo!

-Tuffie <3

I talked to Malinda today, for the first time in a while. She's not just pure evil, as I sometimes think. She's got stuff to say... controversial stuff, probably not public stuff, but she's rallying her troops. She's out there, working towards something. She's even got Henrietta considering her ideas. I wonder where this'll go.

Wotching's last comment is very accurate. Posts gaining sporadity due to schoolwork. That and I pulled an all nighter last night again. Oh how we love to do that.

While in that fray, I filled out a little form for Evangeline at www.invisies.com. It's a little joke of a site, but hey, I might as well see what they say. Curiosity struck me. As for why I did it for Evangeline, well, if they come out with a positive result they'll also be "certifying" a lot of... context. That'd be cool.

Trouble is, they're taking forever to follow up via email. Oh well!

-Josh

First night of school

Oh god, they're giving me no break before getting back into school mode. It's the first day and I have an illogical ammount of homework. Which isn't to say it's unmanageable or even particulalry difficult. It's just illogical. Because logical, to me, on the first day, is zero.

My expectations! They're shattered!

First Morning of School

IT'S TOO EARLY.
-Sue

Why are you up?
-Josh

Wisdom from Ayumu

Whenever I hear the word "blog" I think of a block made of goo. Maybe that's what they really are? I bet the "blogosphere" is actually a room in a secret lab somewhere, and everyone's blog is in its own little compartment in that big round room. That must be it, or else they wouldn't have such a weird name.

What's in it for the scientists who maintain the blogosphere, though? I bet they harvest and analyze all the information which go into the blogs, and they're going to use it all to take over the world! But maybe not, I don't think a million articles on people's opinions of George Bush would help them do that.

Maybe they're simply experimenting on blogs as a new means of storing data? But that wouldn't be very useful, I wouldn't want to keep my data in a block of goo, it could get... dirty. Could it? Josh says no. OK then, that might be it.

Or maybe blogs are alive? Maybe they're alien creatures from another world and they're being interrogated by the government? What if by typing on these blogs we're all unkowningly torturing them? Oh no, if that's it, I need to stop right now.

Let me tell you about my main writing project.

It's sort of a fantasy piece, but the world is very similar to, and indeed exists alongside, the real world. So far I've been calling that world Benine. It's where people go where they die. The thing is, there's no God there. Just an infinite landscape, and people with "magical" abilities to keep themselves pleased. The idea is that it deals with the afterlife in a realistic way. People aren't blissful there, because people simply can't be blissful.


It's various people's stories, all influenced or touched by this world somehow. Most of them will probably be very normal, earhtly stories, but with a touch of surreality. There are a lot of stories to tell. I could spend the rest of my life writing books exclusively in Benine. It's a worthy life's work. Sometimes I believe in this stuff.

I'll have you know that Evangeline's origins lie in here. Right now she's a character in it, though I may or may not keep her five years from now. I feel almost like a prophet of some kind, except a prophet who knows he's a little... weird.

I hope school doesn't keep me from writing too much. That would be irritating.

This blog is more interesting towards the beginning. That's because I am not depressed right now. I'm terribly sorry. Let's all hope I get depressed before too long. =]

Until then, I'd like to note for anyone who happens to stumble on this blog (I'll probably add this to the description at some point)
This blog might be more enjoyable if you read it from the beginning and went up.
To the extent that this kind of thing can, this blog has a progression. So, that's my reccomendation.

A track I'm willing to bet you don't have

Dig it. You may have heard of the legendary IDM group Boards of Canada (very much Yuki's kinda thing.) Apparently Skam, the label they were on in their very early days, did an EP on vinyl limited to 500 copies and gave it out unofficially in performances. Unauthorized remixes of pop songs by IDM artists. Boards of Canada did it under their seldom-seen name "Hell Interface." The remixed track is Midnight Star - Midas Touch.

Just so you know, it's hot.

-Roulette

Snakes on a Plane part 2

Hellooo! Sue here. We've seen the movie and, lucky you, I'll tell you about our reactions!

First off, the audience was lame. No real participation. They applauded a few times, laughed when they should've, but they didn't really participate like we'd hoped. Apparently a few of Josh's school acquaintances in the back of the theater were trying to spitball him. That would have been funny. But they failed. But in the end, none of that could damage the movie. It was glorious.

It wasn't the same cheesy action film that was originally made. The added budget and footage after the internet hype was, apparently, all used to make it as over-the-top as hell. And it was So brilliantly executed. Some movies would make you feel bad when a tiny dog is hurled into a bunch of "SNAKES ON CRACK," but this one makes it into the best think I'd ever seen. And although you might be perfectly satisfied by that point, they go ahead and make the man who did the hurling get what he deserves anyway. No sides are taken. The snakes are badass, and the people who deal with them are also badass.

It's impossible to criticize the movie. Every flaw could well be intentional. You get what you come for: Snakes on a Plane. People getting their penises snake'd (a word Josh and I used frequently) and stuff like that seems to come with the package. If you don't want to see snakes come out of people's MOUTHS then why are you watching a movie about a plane with snakes on it? That's what would happen in that situation. I'm sure of it. It's completely reasonable.

Since you can't say anything bad about the movie without being a FAT MEGA-ASIAN NERD, (I hate that kid) I am going to go ahead and call the movie perfect. The best movie of the previous century. See it. I'll know if you don't!

-Sue

Snakes on a Plane part 1

Going to see it in about an hour, with Sue. We have little doubt that the movie itself will be excellently terrible at this point, but we're hoping, hoping, hoping that the theater experience is the same as what we've heard- people cheering, hissing, reciting lines in unison. That could very well be half of the movie's appeal. It's been a short while since opening night and that might be enough to soften the audiences.

We'll let you know.

I was thinking today. We humans, as a race, protect endangered species, right? I was thinking about what some scientists call "survival of the cutest". If panda bears were to go extinct, it would be considered a tragedy, because people think they're adorabe. Mockingbirds, if they were to become endangered, would be heavily protected because people think their songs are beautiful. Not to mention, they're featured in famous literature. If some kind of spider were to go extinct, though, not as many people would care.

It's my opinion that this is a bad thing. Humans shouldn't determine which species are worthy of living, ecspecially based on superficial things which evolved by coincidence. But then it occured to me, what if the species actually evolved to be appealing to us? It's improbable, but not inconcievable. In a way, that would make the collective human the god of this planet, in yet another way... life on Earth might actually be worshipping us. Domesticated animals are certainly under our control, but maybe we haven't realized that even wild animals make tributes to us?

We've really screwed this place up.

-Henrietta

Edit: Wow, there were a lot of typographical mistakes in there. Maybe Josh didn't get enough sleep, ha.

Hey, yeah, it's Sue. Are you aware that there are worlds where I'm worshipped like a God? But that's not me. It's a parallel me. Another me, with the same name, the same history, the same thoughts, but a different situation. They're no more suited for such a glorious following than I am. I've seen them, talked to some. But the me me, me me me, won't recieve any such treatment, as much as I want (and clearly deserve) it. I'm one of the few versions of myself who knows the right humans to be able to go between the universes, which is cool, but not anything like perfect.

Since the weirdo of a human is local to this world, and has the easiest time existing here, I'm not exactly going anywhere either. And the state of my existance here is just ridiculous. I'm fictional, something designed to entertain children. I can't even use my real name on this thing. What you'd all percieve of me is just too humiliating. Some of me get to be queens, and I'm hanging out with some self-proclaimed freaky human kid and hiding my identity. Life is so cruel to pretty little me.

Not that I mind the freaky kid, though. He's fun and treats me far better than anyone else in this miserable place. But honestly, there things I'd rather be doing. If he could come along all the better. But I really just want to be something more than a stupid cartoon character. For that to happen I need some support from something.

I'll damn well figure it out, I swear...

Just pulled an all nighter with some friends. That's my excuse for only one blog entry yesterday.

Good times, anyway. First time I've seen my friends in person since before travelling around 4 weeks ago, and likely the last time before school starts. Currently wired on an energy drink. Surely enough I'll be regretting that in a few hours.

Keep it cool, y'all.

Status report

I am Yuki. Due to repeated requests and alleged neccesity I will attempt to compose a "blog entry." There is a lack of pressing subject matter. The request was that I write, although there is nothing that needs to be written about. However, I have decided that I will assist in the fulfillment of what are considered to be the standards of a succesfull web log, and contribute to frequent posting.

The current state of the community contextually presented to you readers is stable. There are minor issues regarding Henrietta's inherant trait of envy and the Dara phenomenon, but an understanding is being approached at a sufficient pace, as usual. Major turbulence is rare when Josh is feeling no mental distress. This would be expected from an individual acting as a universal gateway.
(More on that later -Josh)

There are no prospective new members. All members are making evenly spread and regular visists, the least frequent being Ayumu. Her lack of appearances, however, is rooted to no misguidance or malicious activity and is no cause for serious concern. The arrival of the school year, as well, is proceeding as planned and there is no cause for alarm.

That is all.

Malinda

People, people, everywhere
But not a mind that thinks.

"Hey Sue, wanna do a blog entry?"

Phhsht. No.

Stark contrast from yesterday. I'm in an alright mood, the Dara thing's helping quite a bit as you'd imagine. Getting a good lot of the summer homework done with, and most interestingly, I finally got back to photoshopping. A friend of mine made a request today for a signature with a yellow spartan and a particular insignia from the game Halo 2, and I think I did an alright job. Changed the name on the version you see here to protect the innocent. Not that his name would be particularly informative. He might read this, actually. Yo sup.

What I really like about this one is the fact that it features my first semi-succesful vector. Not a huge fan of the whole HALO PHENOMENON but I think I displayed the theme accurately and stylishly enough. Nice job changing the colors on the character, too.

Today looks better.

Just wanted to tell you all that Josh found a way to get over the little rut he was in yesterday. He was more depressed than he decided to show. It was the finale of a problem lasting a little under a year, which I'll tell you about. I was watching the whole thing, although I still hadn't spoken to Josh in those days.

Dara, a confused little girl, turned up maybe 9 months ago. She had escaped from her abusive home. She can't remember anything about it, she's hiding it all from herself. She repressed so many memories that she couldn't even tell her name to Josh, Ayumu, or Tuffie, the only three members of the group in those days. They gave her the name Dara, for no particular reason. It just seemed to fit, they say now.

For a week or two, Dara became the focus of Josh's life. The tiny shreds of happiness she could find were fragile themselves, and Josh was flooded with sympathy. It was admirable, the effort he put into healing Dara. But he could only take so much. After a while he was exhausted. Henrietta came around. Her problems were similar, but she had the strength to deal with them.

Josh deluded himself into thinking that his work with Dara was done, and he went back to living happily. It wasn't a thing of uncaring, so much as lack of faith. He couldn't manage to help Dara, so he found an excuse for himself.

Dara, meanwhile, sank into an oblivion of sadness. Josh chose to believe that she was cured of her ailments, but that she then became a different person, one that he wouldn't associate with. He had occasional conversations with the unreal version of Dara he had created for his own benefit, but the real Dara was always watching, unspeaking. As she did, a gradual guilt built upon Josh.

It was yesterday that Josh's denial cracked. He spent the day with Dara again, the real Dara. From her months spent observing, now has an understanding of Josh almost as complete as the one I've gathered by observing him and his thoughts for his entire life. Because of that, she's able to forgive the imperfect, purely human things he did, and the things he does. Now for the first time she can rely on someone, and understand their imperfections. And Josh is finally free from a shroud of delusion, and is coping.

I'm glad. People should strive to overcome their demons.

-Evangeline.

Hello, that's enough abnormality for now. Dara's young, traumatized, and paranoid, sorry if she gets a little weird. No disrespect to her though. I don't always show it, but I loves her plenty, I do.

Had quite a day. Started off reading a depressing webcomic front to back, then basically sat around listening to music (Sigur Ros right now, to my delight) and not doing what remains of my summer homework. 5 days left. Ohhhhh, crud.

Not feeling too cheery. Probably that comic's fault. I get too hung up on that stuff. I'll probably be staying up until 3 AM feeling like a mess. All I can really say is "Bleh." I was saying that all day. Ended up being a slow, worthless day. The two blog entries below are probably the main fruit of it. I guess the fact that Henrietta and Dara did the writing is a sign that I'm a bit depressed.

In any case, I guess I'm now in the habit of getting entries up on this thing. That's good. Not just another dead blog to the winds. And what do you know, it's unfolding almost like an abstract novel. I guess that's how I like to keep my life. It's more interesting this way.

-Josh.

pass the milk

He called me Dara. I don't know my real name.

I'd like to share a poem with you all, all 10 of us, but I can't write it. I don't know what it says. All I have is the feeling of the poem, and the feeling of any poem, at the same time. Maybe this will be the poem

I used to have a teddie bear but i don't know where he went. i don't even remember if he had a name. but he was precious to me i miss him but i'm not sure i miss the bear or the concept of him

without that bear i feel worthless. it was a lot of me, sort of a symbol of me. i no longer rely on that bear just like i'm no longer relied on.

thrown away somewhere

maybe it's me though. I don't know. i think i might be back

An introduction

I don't know how I should introduce myself so I'll just tell you what my name is and let you put together a picture of me. I'm Henrietta.

I've never had the opportunity to communicate with a large number of people before. Not many people are going to read this, but it's still true that what I'm writing down is going to be public, and that's new to me. Some of the other people who might make entries here could say that they've never done anything like this in this world, but I'm the only one who's been truly contained for their entire life. Until I met Josh, anyway.

I don't know what to write about. I just had a strong urge to write something. I feel like there's so much I could tell you about, but there's only so much that Josh himself wouldn't regret having shared. He says he might get more relaxed about that later on, but for now I'm writing through a filter.

It's not that he's verbally telling me not to say too much. I'm sharing his body, and his brain, just for the moment. Some of my mannerisms and my thoughts are coming through, but his brain isn't used to being Henrietta. It's used to being Josh. What comes of that is an odd sensation for me. Like I'm trying to figure out which thoughts are mine and which are his. And all the things that make him himself are determined by his brain as well, the pathways gradually made easily useable by his synaptic reactions.

The way I'm typing at a good speed is his brain. But the way I'm delicately feeling and and pushing the buttons is my personality. The way I crack my (his) knuckles between typing is his habit, but the person cracking them is me. My writing and typing styles aren't dissimilar to his, but if someone like Ayu were typing right now, you might notice some conflict.

I guess I'm just trying to tell anyone who might come across and read this blog what to expect. Typing through Josh isn't something we're used to. At first, it might be a little awkward. But I hope that will be a process of learning what the limits of our existance are.

I want to thank everyone for reading this entry and hopefully future entries as well. Whether you're a friend of ours or someone who just happened to find this page and thought it was interesting, this blog is dedicated to you. It should get more interesting from here on out.

I'll be in touch.

-Henrietta

Post one, salvo two

Alright. Sorry about the lame first post, but the post creation screen popped up and seemed to be demanding me to write something. In any case. Let me explain what this blog's about.

I'm Josh. I'm an aspiring writer in the latter half of his teenage years. Hopefully this blog will work as an interesting drawing board, a more public and more constructed extension of my hopelessly disarrayed notebook. That was the original idea, and that'll probably be a large part of what I do here.

But there's also a certain ammount of pleasant anonymity associated with an internet blog. I decided I might as well take advantage of that. Not to try and overstate how awesome and intense I am, but there's a somewhat secretive side to me. I'm sure that's why most people get into writing in the first place. You'll have to forgive me if I don't come out and say what my unusual trait is, but you'll probably figure it out if you use half of your brain. It's half the point of this thing, after all.

What you need to understand is that there will be ten seperate "voices" potentially posting on this blog. These may include:
Josh (What you'd call the real one)
Ayumu
Tuffie
Dara
Henrietta
Sue
Evangeline
Malinda
Yuki
Roulette
Update 1/12/07 to this list you can safely add
Shiori, and
Sayuri
Update 4/29/07
Gin

They might sign the entries to make it easy on you, maybe not. We'll see. Hopefully this doesn't come off as too cheesy or pretentious, I'm always worried about that.

-Josh

Edit 1/14/07: Let me be a little more clear. It might be a good idea for you to read this blog chronologically. Several stories get told throughout, and I don't tend to explain things again in later posts. It certainly isn't required, if you don't want to do a lot of reading, but I bet it'll make the blog seem more interesting.

Eventually I might get around to tagging a few posts as "necessary," but until then this is what you have. Sorry!

If you want to leave me a comment with your email address, I'd likely be willing to explain things, or answer questions not answered on the blog itself. I just scribble down what comes to mind on here, that doesn't mean it's necessarily the way that I want you to learn everything.

Seeya 'round.

Post one

It's 1:30 AM. What could you expect from the first post, ecspecially when I just exhausted our collective brain trying to think of the title for this thing?

I'm going to play around with settings now.